I hope life is okay over there. I hope you’re not as tucked away as I am. I hope warm moments still fulfill their conspiracy to punctuate the cold, run-on memories looping in our collective unconscious.
So many hues So many men So many woes on a pillow bent A head’s pressure forms a smile And a face fills a frown
Making adjustment Something to hold, to clench Never ridded of an awful stench A lie so clear in the quiet And only my breathe
I am breathing I am the only breathe All times prior and long after death
■ ■ ■
I’ve been away from The Neptune Lazur Digest for quite some time. About seven months to be more specific. If this blog were a living thing, it’d be young and riddled with abandonment issues, made in my image. Ha! But I’m no god. Perhaps I might fully become “the god of my own destiny,” yet it’s hard for me to believe in that kind of idol.
I’m not sure what exactly brought about the absence. I suspect, in line with all my fixations, I moved on to other things to fill my time. And isn’t that what a good human does—fill their time as if we could ever know how much of it we really have? In some ways, I simply became busy changing and in other ways staying the same.
The biggest change was surrendering to the fact that Connecticut was not the place I needed to be and moving back to Florida. Of course, not without taking every bump in the road I could find. No, I don’t learn the easy way to the point that I don’t think an “easy way” exists. Regardless, I’m happier here in the presence of my mother, sister, and niece. Who couldn’t grow some happiness among the people who love him the most?
As for the eighty-five followers who stuck around for this blog, I can only surmise that people simply don’t unfollow sites without major due cause. (I’m the same kind of creature, so no judgment here.) If I wanted to be alone on this platform, I’m sure I could I could think of some nuclear options to spam your feeds until you snuff me out of them. Alas, I’m still this people-pleaser, cursed to want people to like me.
In the spirit of that defect, I included the poem above as a little gift on my return. I’ve written some other poems behind-the-scenes that I want to flesh out more and even some draft posts that have festered in wait of attention. However, “The People, The Hues” was a piece I concocted just for today without much sadomasochistic pruning. Like all things that are me, I hope you like it, and if not, I hope it gives you something, perhaps the feeling I had when the words started to ring in my head.
For readers with access, it takes no effort to notice how music weaves throughout my blog. It was a revelation to find the option of embedding songs from Spotify into WordPress. The unfortunate thing is—and I’ve checked this by switching countries through a VPN—many of the songs that I display are either unavailable in certain countries or the embedded elements simply don’t appear. This makes me sad, even if it usually doesn’t take away from the writing in my posts. Nevertheless, using Spotify has been the easiest way for me to connect my thinking with music because the alternatives suffer their own drawbacks: embedding YouTube videos will also come with country restrictions, visual noise, or less predictable content availability; and purchasing each song individually, then hosting them in WordPress or SoundCloud would carry more cost, labor, and potential legality issues.
That’s a whole lot of preamble for me to get to the point: from time to time, I will drop a Spotify playlist curated by me, Jonathan Oyola a.k.a. Neptune Lazur a.k.a. manfeelings—the last one is my Spotify username and a reference to a Peep Show episode [Dailymotion]. Just like “Reblogs,” “Songs of the Week” posts will have a somewhat buried placement, given none are listed in my website’s menu. I apologize to any viewers who don’t have an automatic way of seeing the embedments on these posts. To the viewers who do, my hope has been that you enjoy these musical offerings or, at the very least, are exposed to lyrics and rhythms which further your own inspiration. People are complex, so it shouldn’t be surprising to find my writing and music tastes can be a little juxtaposed. Here’s the final tip that I’ll leave you with: Spotify users can also *click the logo in the top-right corner of embedments to listen in the app on Android.
I wish you good hunting, good listening, and good writing!
*Update: Sometimes this won’t work from inside the WordPress app. Go figure!
Today, I have the pleasure of reblogging Kat Couch’s poem, “Boy with a Gun“. I’ve been keeping up with Kat’s blog called Too bleak and beautiful for a couple months, and his consistent stream of poetry just blows me away. Please, take a gander at this particular poem, which actually breaks Kat’s more regular convention of communions with Nature; much of his work bears the Zen of haiku in a longer form. As always, direct your comments there instead of here. However, here is my comment that you’ll find there about “Boy with a Gun”: “…I love the casual, slice-of-life flow through a random experience leading into and then trailing the subtly of quite an important message embed in these lines—‘I wanted to say,/ that isn’t the way it is at all.’”
Unraveled wire-clothing-hanger. Yes, a whole bouquet of them arced into a miniature rake or such malevolent claw. Scratching in gradient inside integuments inside esophagus inside the neck the shoulder lower back right hip a groin thigh calf scr- scra- scratch right sole dominance and in terrain an irritant flows. A mentor’s egress after the head-to-toe chalkboard movement. I must will do something, something to alibi a feeling of my failing if I’m to carry on understanding how it all hangs –